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silly state law Saturday: California

SSLSCalifornia

Ah, California, I miss you so. Though I’ve lived in Arizona since 2005, Californa will always be home. Nice to know they are up on their animal regulations. Check it out:

• Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. Because they totally know that it’s a tavern, school, or place of worship. Get a room.

• In Cerritos, all dog waste must be removed from any yard within seven days. That long, huh?

• In Norco, all persons wishing to keep a rhinoceros as a pet must obtain a $100 license first. I’m thinking the cost of the license is the least of their worries.

• In Ventura County, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit. And where should said cats and dogs apply for their permit?

• In Belvedere, “no dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash.” Finally, a solution for those unruly masters.

• In Chico, driving a herd of cattle down a street is against the law. I knew Chico was a party school, but I didn’t know they got this wild.

• In Temecula, ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California Street at all times. I brake for ducks.

• In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are to be treated under the same guidelines as cats and dogs. Equal rights for all! Except the other animals who are not lizards and snakes.

• In Los Angeles, it is a crime for dogs to mate within 500 yards of a church. The law is punishable by a fine of $500 and/or six months in prison. I don’t know about your dog, but mine doesn’t have that kind of money.

• It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. Because the whaling industry needs protection?

• In Hollywood, it is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time. Because the traffic is bad enough as it it.

• In Portola, it is illegal to fish from an overpass in the city. I’ll be honest. I’ve never been to Portola, but I believe an overpass, by definition, passes over another roadway or railroad, no? Seems to me it would be enough of a challenge to get a bite. What do I know? I’m not a fisherman.

• In San Jose, it is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs. I’m supposing none of my readers are from San Jose.

• In Chico, it is illegal to own a green or smelly animal hide. Those frat brothers are at it again.

• In San Francisco, it is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner. But as long as it’s not on the corner…

• In Lompoc, it is illegal to posses, own, or raise roosters, as it is considered disturbing the peace. Cock-a-doodle-doo!

• It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license. Love it. Love it. LOVE it! Go mice! The next time I want a law passed, I’m asking their lobbyists for help.

• In San Diego, it is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar. Use your own car, dammit!

• In Palm Springs, it is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of four and six p.m. Any other time, have at it.

• In Oakland, it is illegal to rob a birds’ nest from a public cemetery. Who would do such a thing?

• In Pacific Grove, molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine. It’s about time those butterflies got some respect, boys!

• In Fresno, no one may annoy a lizard in a city park. So take your lizard-pestering elsewhere.

• In Portola, no person may carry a fish into a bar. Unless he’s 21+, and then I’m buying that fish a drink.

• In Portola, one may not allow his or her dog to chase a squirrel in the summer. Any other season is fine, though, so let your dog know he only has to take a break for a couple of months.

• In Cathedral City, one may not bring their dog to school. In order to preserve California’s high education standards?

• In Shasta Lake, raffling off a dog as a gift in a public place is prohibited. Beware of underground dog gift raffling. Shasta Lakers, we’re on to you!

• In Glendale, one may not take his dog on an elevator with him. So I guess you’ll have to send your dog up separately, on his own. Let’s hope he can reach the buttons.

• In Arcadia, peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways. And, no, you may not just back over them, even if you’re late for work.

• San Francisco prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash. I wonder what the street trolley fare is for those unleashed elephants.

• In Ontario, roosters may not crow in the city limits. You’ll have to buy yourselves alarm clocks, Ontario.

• In Los Angeles, toads may not be licked. No way, maaaaaan…

• In Blythe, you are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows. But what if I’m just passin’ through?

• In Los Angeles, you may not hunt moths under a streetlight. Well, of course. That would be an unfair advantage.

• It is unlawful to let your dog pursue a bear or bobcat at any time. One bear law? That’s it? I say, if your dog has the cojones, let him go for it.

Check back next week when we take a look at Colorado! If you missed anything from past weeks, here are the links:

Alabama

Alaska

Arizona

Arkansas

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com.


silly state law Saturday: Arizona

state image source: mygreendiet.com

state image source: mygreendiet.com

Just when I thought Alaska would go the distance as the state to beat, we arrive at the state in which I live, Arizona. As conservative as this state is, I thought, for sure, the law would be on the side of the hunter, rather than the hunted. Looks like I was wrong!

• Bullfrog hunting season has been permanently closed. Save the bullfrogs!

• Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. But what if it just happens? I mean, with bubbles, candlelight, and a glass of wine, that donkey just might be so relaxed. Must the poor thing be arrested for it?

• Elephants must have a bell around their necks to warn swans of their approach. Because the vibration in the ground and the trumpeting isn’t enough warning for swans. In all the situations where swans and elephants must reside together. I’m thinking the elephants could better use a warning about the swans.

• Hunting camels is prohibited. Does that include wild camels, or just the ones at the zoo?

• If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs in Hayden, you will be fined. Well, finally! A reasonable law. Poor little things.

• In Tempe, it is illegal to eat grass from any area where sheep or cows are grazing. Just because you don’t want to accidentally ingest their droppings, I presume. I’ll stick to eating my grass from where the camels graze.

• In Prescott, it is illegal to ride a horse up the stairs of the county courthouse. I’ve been on those very steps, and I’m thinking it would take a lot of drink and a lot of stupid for me to take that dare.

Arizona, you didn’t disappoint. I wonder if keeping a bullfrog as a pet counts as bothering them? Hmmm…

Did you miss the states we’ve already looked at?

Alabama

Alaska

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com.


silly state law Saturday: Alaska

Happy Saturday…er…Sunday. Did I say silly animal laws by state would be coming to you on Saturday? I meant one of the “S” days. Silly me!

In any case, sorry to keep you waiting on pins and needles for this week’s installment: Alaska.

What I’ve learned from this research on Alaska is that they take their moose seriously. Mooses? Meese? You know what I mean. Without further delay, in Alaska:

Alaska

• It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. Not to get morbid on you, or anything, but I guess this means pushing a dead moose out of an airplane is fair game. And a live moose out of a moving train is cool, too.

• Moose may not be viewed from an airplane. So when you’re taking that aerial tour of the Alaskan countryside, close your eyes the whole time in order to remain in full compliance with the law.

What is it with moose and airplanes?

• In Fairbanks, it is an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose. But what if it’s just one of those teeny-weenie bottles of booze that you get on an airplane? If you’re really going to go all outlaw, at least get the guy drunk before you push him out of the airplane.

• It is illegal to whisper in someone’s ear while they are moose hunting. Next time I go moose hunting in Alaska, I’ll be sure to shout to my partner, “LOOK, there’s a MOOSE!”

• No moose is allowed to have sex on city streets. Good luck preventing that.

• It is perfectly legal to shoot bears, but waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited. So if you do want that great photograph, just don’t go for the kill shot.

• In Anchorage, no one may tie their pet dog to the roof of a car. Well, that’s a relief.

• In Juneau, flamingo owners may not let their pet flamingo into a barber shop. So what do the flamingos do when they need a haircut? Now we have all these hippie long-haired flamingos running around town. They’re going to have to pass a law about that.

• It is illegal to eat live eels in public unless you shout “warning! Idiot eating eels!” beforehand. I can’t. I just don’t know.

Thanks for stopping by!

Last week we took a look at Alabama. Check it out, if you missed it.

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com.